The one change that worked: I told the men in my life I loved them – and my world opened up

At first I felt uncomfortable telling my dad, brother and friends how I felt. But I soon found it liberating, and once I started, I couldn’t stop Until my thirties, I didn’t tell my brothers or my dad that I loved them. I had never told my friends, whom I love, that I loved them. Not in person, at least. Certainly not sober. I had no problem expressing love to women: my partner, cousins, a mate I sort of liked, the neighbour’s cat.

“Love you, Mum,” I’d say, waving goodbye. “And see you later, Dad. ” The barrier to intimacy between brothers, male friends, fathers and sons, felt natural, a fact of life. It seemed to be a trait of modern men, one that I’d never betray. Then, in 2023, I made the mistake of reading books on masculinity. It started with JJ Bola , Ivan Jablonka, Rebecca Solnit and RW Connell, then I got carried away with Simone de Beauvoir, Judith Butler and Audre Lorde. But one book performed a…